All is Fair in Love, Right?

Last Sunday, Tony and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary! It was so wonderful. I can't believe it's been a whole year, and on the other hand I can't believe it's been only a year. A few days ago, before our anniversary, I went back to the passage that we selected as our "marriage scripture". Sort of like our motto. We chose Colossians 3:12-17. If you haven't yet or can't recall that passage, please go read it. It's so beautiful. Of course after reading this you'll picture the relationship between a husband and wife. Granted, it's so easy to see in this passage. But do you know what other relationships it's great for? Parent-child. Sibling-sibling. Friend-friend. And so forth, and so forth. Really, the people Paul and Timothy are writing to is the Church. They're writing to the believers; to the Christ-followers. He's writing to me. And I hope you can include yourself in their audience. So the relationship we are looking at here is christian-to-christian. He is laying out how we should treat one another. 

They day I re-pondered our passage, though, I didn't get past verse 14. So maybe I'll reflect on the other verses with you another day. So, I'll be honest. The day I gave these verses a gander, Tony and I had been arguing. I tell you this only to further the goal of my message, because otherwise I am a very private person and don't believe the insides of my marriage are any of your business (I mean that in the most polite way possible). So the day after this incident, I sat down with my Bible. I thought, "Our anniversary is in a couple of days. I'll give our marriage passage another visit." I believe the most clear way to learn from God and hear from God is His Word. And He gently, but sternly, showed me a little more of myself that day. As I began reading that passage, the "list" of words caught my attention. These are easy words-words we learn in elementary school. But do we really remember what they mean? I'll write verse 12 here for your reference.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Easy, right? Hmmm... So I decided to look in the dictionary and find the exact meaning of these words. What exactly am I expected to clothe myself in? 

1. compassion-sympathize; to bear, suffer; sympathy of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it

That was unexpected... Sure, sympathy was expected. But sympathy PLUS a desire to alleviate that person's distress? Did I show a desire to alleviate my husband's distress that previous night?

2. kindness-of a sympathetic or helpful nature; of a forbearing nature: gentle

Gentle.......uuummmmm.. Was I very gentle towards him?

3. humility-not proud or assertive; reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of submission

Ouch.... okay, this is starting to hurt a bit, Lord.

4. gentleness-free from harshness, sternness, or violence

Again with the "gentleness"? ....I guess I was pretty harsh. But I had a right to be angry! ....Right?

5. patience-bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint: steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity

And You save the biggest bomb for last, don't ya?! 

Okay, so I was none of these things during our argument. Not only am I called as a wife to be these things for my husband, I'm a Follower called to be these things to my fellow Brother. Can you see the recurrence in these words? Sympathy, forbear, gentle. Isn't that how Jesus lived? Isn't that how He treats us when we fail Him? I kept trying to rationalize my behavior and the only thing I felt whispered to my heart over and over again was, "But what about when you come to Me? Do I hold these things against you?"

(Big sigh.....) No, He doesn't hold these things against us. Which moved me along to the next verse.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (13)

Wwwwhhhhhhyyyyyyyy? Why does this have to be so haaaaarrrrdd?! And then it hit me! It DOESN'T have to be so hard. The limits of forgiveness are self-imposed. I don't have to set a limit on how far my forgiveness goes. I SHOULDN'T set a limit on how far my forgiveness goes! Why, you ask. Because there is no limit on how far Christ's forgiveness goes. How relieving. How freeing! I don't have to hold on to my anger. I can freely forgive because I am forgiven. How sweet it is, dear one, to be free.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (14)

Love is the key here. I can have all of these things previously listed, but they will not be held together unless I have love to cover them with. The love that is spoken of here is the love that pours from Christ into me, and from me to others. Without the love of Christ, I have nothing. 

So let's recap:

We have been forgiven through Christ. Since we are forgiven, we should have the love of Christ in us. We need love to forgive others. Handy-dandy thing, because we SHOULD forgive others because we have been forgiven. And to go along with that, we should be showing those around us compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. This is a tall order. You can't do it by your own will. Call on Him to help you. You may be surprised by what He shows you in return.