The Biggest Surprise of Motherhood

On August 6, 2013, I found out that I was a Mommy, and for the next eight and a half months I marveled at the capabilities of my body. I loved that my body was the perfect home for a tiny, forming life to develop and grow until it could thrive on its own. I wondered how this not-much-bigger-than-the-size-of-a-period-at-the-end-of-a-sentence baby could send my body into throes of agony and illness like clockwork each day. My heart raced when she kicked her feet and bounced my belly with hiccups. I embraced my growing (and growing and growing) waist each week. I've always known I would adore being pregnant. It's a no-brainer. Of course expecting a child is beautiful.

On April 25, 2014, I delivered my gorgeous daughter. I made it through the hospital stay, the first night home, and the first two weeks. It's still a blur. I probably couldn't give a good recount of those days due to sleep deprivation and constant adrenaline. But when I emerged from the new parent fog around the start of the third week of her life, something happened that I never thought in a million, billion, gazillion years would...

I'm sort of in love with my "mommy body". 

I know...I just rocked your world, right?! Was that as unexpected for you as it was for me? It's one thing to love your body while harboring a baby, but to love your body after baby?

When I really looked at myself in the mirror for the first time after giving birth, my immediate first reaction was to gawk at my wider set hips and the stretch marks covering my stomach from my navel down. But, something crept into my thoughts and quietly placed those visions of ugliness in the back of my mind. A meek little voice started to speak. 

"Look...the love that grew inside your body was too big for it to hold. She left permanent marks there that say I was here."

"Look...you labored to bring her out into the world. Your hips won't ever go back to their original position. Now, she has a comfy little place to sit when she's too big to cradle in your arms."

As I examined my new body, I couldn't help but let a few tears escape. My stomach will never again be flat. My skin will never again be free of flaws. My hips will never again fit into the jeans that are hanging in my closet. I was not mourning these changes. I was overwhelmed with pride. I'm a mommy, and my body is proof.

This mommy body has never failed me. After a night of minimal sleep, it jumps right out of bed to care for my baby and can take on the fifteen to twenty-hour day ahead. It can calm my upset baby with just its smell. It can snuggle my tired baby and induce her deep, restful sleep. It gives her the life-sustaining milk that she needs to grow and thrive. How could I hate, or even dislike, this body?

I have never been satisfied with my body. It's a very common struggle for the fairer gender. I've spent years, at less ten, disliking my body and focusing on what I wished was different about it on a daily basis. Since having Stella, I've never felt as good about myself and my body as I do now. I've never been proud of this body, until now. I've never looked in the mirror and noticed something a like about my body, until now.

I love that my body is the only thing I need to care for my baby. My body was the place where God knit her together cell by cell. He made my body strong enough to push her from within me out into the world around us. He gave my body the ability to nourish her. She needs me. She loves me. Even so small, I can see in her eyes that she knows it's me that she trusts to meet her needs. When she's hungry and begins to fuss, all I have to do it pick her up and she becomes almost instantly calm. She knows that her needs will be met even before I offer myself to her. 

The bond that we share because of her need for my body is almost indescribable. How can I explain the feeling I get when we lock eyes as she's feeding or when I can see her eyes smiling at me when she's feeding? She knows I'll take care of her. I can feel her trust in me when she lays peacefully and softly strokes my bare skin with chubby little fingers and pushes her tiny little feet through my long hair while she eats. This body has been divinely designed to care for this baby. How, oh how dear listener, could I ever hate this body? 

This body is my sacrifice to God. I will give of myself and my body to Him for all the children he has already predestined to be mine. I will use this body to raise up arrows to sent into the world to pierce the heart of the enemy and battle for His Kingdom and His Glory. Motherhood is my mission field. Just the way He knit my sweet Stella together, He knit me together for this purpose. 

Please, beloved sister, don't hate your body. It has been crafted by the Great Artist. You have been made for something far more wonderful than you know. Whatever the purpose He has planned for you, no mistake has been made. 

Mommies, don't feel less beautiful since birthing that sweet baby of yours. Love the things about your body that are proof of growing and caring for life. Let them be a reminder of how wonderful it is and how great a privlege it is to be the vessel He uses to create life. 

Love yourselves, because He and everyone else already does.