DISCLAIMER: If you have not read the original post, "5 reasons marriage doesn't work anymore," please do so before reading this. It will all make much more sense. And, yes, the title for the original post is not capitalized. For shame!
There is a popular blog post drifting around the internet at the moment. Thankfully, it holds the illusive secret to why marriage seems to not be working out for a lot of people. It points out that it worked great for our great grandparents, grandparents, and maybe even our parents, but not for us. We've all been wondering what the problem is, because surely we as humans aren't to blame! So, why has our society seemingly outgrown marriage? Why won't marriage fit us anymore? The problem is simply this: marriage hasn't changed and people haven't changed. Marriage calls us to uphold another person above ourselves. We are humans. Selfish, arrogant, self-serving, self-bettering, me-me-me humans! So naturally, marriage won't fit us. Let's take a look at the original blog poster's 5 reasons marriage doesn't work anymore (as if marriage just recently stopped "working").
1. Sex becomes almost non-existent.
I lol-ed at this one. Firstly, if you believe sex is the most important aspect of marriage (as the original poster does), you are in for a world of disappointment after disappointment. There are a few large pieces that make up the most important aspects of marriage. Sex is not one of them. It is, however, metaphorically relative to the glue that holds these large pieces together. Therefore, it is obviously important! Just not the most important.
OP (that's what we're calling him for short) does have a very accurate perspective for why sex is important for a husband and wife. As he says, it connects them like no other thing can, resulting in the sacredness of it. But, when you have children that don't sleep or nap very well and require the majority of the energy and attention of both parents, "you no longer look at your partner wanting to rip their clothes off" at the end of the day. Please don't misunderstand me, this is absolutely no excuse for the neglect of intimacy with your spouse. This is simply reality. There are seasons of life. The season of parenthood just doesn't have the same volume of intimacy as the season of newlywed bliss or empty-nesting (I don't know this for certain on the latter, but my husband and I are hoping I'm right). My point is this, if your aren't having as much sex as you think you and your spouse should be having, talk lovingly and graciously with them about it. This is an issue with us as people, not an issue with the sanctity of marriage! There is no pre-installed sex clock that starts counting down from the wedding ceremony that activates and puts an end to sex in marriage.
Now this is the real kicker. OP's reason for why sex becomes non-existent in marriage is that "Everywhere you look, there's pictures of men and women we know half naked - some look better than your husband or wife. So it becomes desirable. It's in your face every single day and changes your mindset." Once again, this must be marriage's fault, not the faultiness of the human heart and the absence of a heart that wants to resist temptation.
People, if you find yourself lusting after ANYONE besides your spouse, remove yourself from the situation. Delete facebook, instagram, twitter, or get rid of your entire computer if need be. Stop spending time with that person at work, or at the gym, or in the park where you walk your dog everyday, etc. Whatever the scenario is, put an end to it. This is not a problem with marriage; this is a problem with the human heart and its resistance to commitment and true love for one person for the duration of earthly life together.
2. Finances cripple us.
Did you know that strain on a marriage due to finances is a new thing? No really, it is. The cost of living has gone up. Our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents never had to worry about keeping a roof over their family's head, or how to fill their bellies, or how to properly clothe themselves and their children. It was smooth sailing until recently.
"It's extremely difficult to find a job that can provide an income that will help you live comfortably while paying all of these bills-especially not in your mid 20s." Do you think it was comfortable for our fore-parents living in drafty houses, trying to make a feast with flour, canned fish, and sugar, or whatever happened to be in the pantry, and having to explain to their children why they had to wear last year's pants that now exposed their ankles and coats that had a few holes in them? Financial hardship has been around since the beginning of Creation. It isn't marriage's fault that you are having some financial stress in your marriage. It may not be your fault either; it just is a part of life that happens from time to time and hopefully doesn't make up the entirety of your lives together.
OP claims that because of this newly found thing called financial hardship, he could no longer go out to dinner, had to skip out on anniversary gifts, and couldn't take vacations. There you have it, thankfully our grandparents got to do all these things which resulted in lasting marriages and the birth of our parents and ultimately us. Thank you, weekly visits to restaurants, lavish gifts, and exotic getaways. I wouldn't be alive if not for you.
If we really are "trying to live the way our grandparents and parents did in a world that has put more debt on our plate than ever before," then pick yourself up by the bootstraps, batten down the hatches, and work together to wisely manage your money in way that gets the job done for your family. Putting an end to your marriage will not result in the disappearance of financial trouble, nor does marriage cause financial trouble. Some of the time, WE are the ones the cause financial trouble for ourselves. But, there will always be bills to pay and fun things that you have to skip out on to meet your responsibilities. Welcome to adulthood.
3. We're more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time.
Marriage, how dare you create smartphones that have resulted in the quick convenience of text messaging and the time-swallower named social media.If you barely speak face to face with your spouse, once again, this a problem with YOU, not the institution of marriage. If you aren't excited to speak to your spouse at the end of the day because you've been texting him/her all day, can you please explain to me how the institution of marriage is somehow to blame? If electronics are causing trouble in your marriage and handicapping communication in your marriage, this is an issue that is up to you to fix. I'm not sure that there's more to say about this one. This is a no-brainer. It isn't marriage's fault that you don't care more about your spouse than to be satisfied with 3-word sentences and minimal verbal exchanges.
4. Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved.
Our culture is all about what makes us feel good. If you feel good about yourself, who cares what you're doing or who you're hurting. Life is all about what makes you happy.
Even the title of the "reason" is enough to see that it isn't marriage that is no longer working, it's people that are no longer working on their marriages.
5. Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you.
No, my friend. You just invited a few thousand people. Social media isn't a mandate. On this point, I agree with everything OP says. He didn't mention, however, that marriage didn't change. People did. We have made social media a part of our identity. If we don't share pictures of what we're doing or post about what brand of milk we bought at the store, it didn't really happen. You don't have to spend what should be precious time with your spouse and family with the whole cyber world. You don't have to air your dirty laundry on social media. Once again, this isn't an issue started by marriage, it's an issue started my people.
I realize that this isn't as grace-filled of a post as it probably could be, but I am so tired of hearing how marriage can no longer work for people of the modern world. Maybe it's people of the modern world that will no longer work for marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment